i think i understood it all, i shall try stop ranting.
weird enough, many things are superficial.
in the end,
i don't know what is important to me anymore, just feels like it doesnt matter anymore.
sometimes we think that things come and go, people come and go. but do they really just come and go, a course of nature or is it that we just took them for granted?
worse still, there are people who just come into your life, step footprints all over you and they just leave. making a mess, having fun and bye, settle the mess by yourself.
sometimes i do think its really how amazing people can change. there were those who stabbed you right in the face, but you can still can blindly dumbly befriend them. im amazed by human's stupidity.
what if happiness comes with a price to pay?
yesterday i was in the apartment's hottub. maybe today i'll go again. i met the same cat that was there when i was having hottub last week. the cat wasn't afraid, he was so near me. just right beside the hottub. maybe its a she but i don't know. its rare to see stray cats in america, they would be captured by spca but apparently no one bothered to call them to catch that little fat stray cat. little fat? hmm. he has like 3 colors on him, really ugly. but if you take a look again, maybe hes not that ugly afterall. maybe tonight when i go again, he will be there? i don't know why but i sense loneliness in him. always alone, walking around and drinking chlorine water from the swimming pool to keep himself alive. somewhat reminded of me.
i wonder what is happiness to cat, what does happiness means to a cat. friendship? love/kinship? or just to be able to stay alive? maybe i should get a cat to find out. time flew by so fast, that surprisingly i already kept myself survived for 3 months.
maybe its time for me to move on to the next stage of life. somewhat, i wanna break away from everything but i know its not possible. lately there are so many things going on in my mind. i don't know where to start.
i just can't find the solution to relieve myself. if this goes on for another 10 years, i'll probably die.
sometimes i just want to find someone to rest on. but at the end of the day, i find that its my bed that is made of floor and 2 blanket, 1 pillow and a bolster that kept me going and going. funny enough, i wonder if friendship is overrated as well. maybe things that don't betray you are things that comes with a monetary value.
after work today, i sat down by the carpark.
i saw a shooting star, so bright. so fast. but at that moment i knew i could close my eyes and make a wish, but its so pretty i just want to finish watching it.
the weirdest thing, i actually heard the sound of that shooting star. its like... sound of an arrow? cutting through air at high speed.
for people who hvn't seen a shooting star, or havent make a wish upon a shooting star, don't bother trying. i made the same wish 3 times on 3 different shooting star. it didn't come true.
well, i guess wishing upon a shooting star is as good as asking for a miracle. since both of them doesnt have a basis scientifically. what am i blabbering now.
everyone is born differently. some people have to work twice, thrice, or hundred times harder to get something else that people can get easily. maybe thats why sometimes, the same object and item can have different value and meaning to them.
i'm tired.
i honestly wonder how long i can go on like this, but i don't want to give up halfway.